There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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