His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize