woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
