Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.