That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I chose taco bell over sex...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay