I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis