Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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