in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike