fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
