Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hell yes lets make some ravioli
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
