Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
