I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
