im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
