im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
