drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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