i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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