why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
