i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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