So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
