he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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