I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
