Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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