There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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