I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
