I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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