I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
