Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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