You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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