you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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