Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
