worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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