im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
