Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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