dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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