problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
