In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
