I am spending my child support on dildos
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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