my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
