I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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