she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
