She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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