My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
