My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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