When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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