At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
