he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
