Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
