it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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