last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
