just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
