He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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