Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
