I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
