Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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