Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
