Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
