Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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