I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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