I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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