Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
