We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
