chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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