If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
