wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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