So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
