You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's rum buckets o'clock
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
