You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
