first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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