One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
