we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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