So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
