And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
