Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
