i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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