Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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