just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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