omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
