Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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